I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
