Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
