my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
