break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
