i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
