im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
