North Korea, Best Korea!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
