Pants 0. Shit 1.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
