You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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