I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
