I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
