Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
