My nipple is on Facebook.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
