Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
