Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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