you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
