And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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