It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
