woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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