I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
