well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
