Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
