i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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