I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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