and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
