When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
