Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
