barbara walters just said penis...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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