I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
