ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So many bounce houses so little time
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
