3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
