Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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