You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
