My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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