i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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