Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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