We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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