my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
