She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Can I color on your dick again?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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