I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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