it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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