We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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