Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
