OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
