On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
