i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
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An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
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Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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