The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
