UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
