sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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