i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
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