You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
