She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
