Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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