People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
