all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
