I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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