I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
