tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
