I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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