Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
