Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize