Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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