guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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