can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize