I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
