OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
this beer tastes like vomit already
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
