wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
