meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The air taste purple.
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