saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize