Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
