it hurts more in the daytime
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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