i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she peed on how many people?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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