WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
