I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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