My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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