It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
